new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
