Kiss
Puke
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
