tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
