She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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