I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
