I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Acid is not a monday night drug
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
