All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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