you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
