My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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