mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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