You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
