It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
