I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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