Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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