the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
