I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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