Kiss
Puke
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
