im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
