no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
