What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
