I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
