I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i can't believe i had my finger in that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize