Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
