Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize