Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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