I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
