What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
cat food counts as protein by the way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need a burrito and a hug.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
