Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
