I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
