Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
