Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
