I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
