I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
