Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
