I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
