Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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