wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
