My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize