I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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