When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
