I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
