you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
