i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
