I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
