Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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