it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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