And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize