dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
