woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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