OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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