He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
