Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
