i think my mom watched the whole time
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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