I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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