are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize