i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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