Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need to stop coming to work sober
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
