your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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