Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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