he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize