If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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