U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
