So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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