Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
