Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize