dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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