Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
