So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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